if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
