Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
