Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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