It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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