So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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