I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
