I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
