This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize