Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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