i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
