If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
