thus making me awesome and them whores
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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