felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
