You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
