So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
