At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
