so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
