I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
