I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
