I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
