Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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