He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
