At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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