You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
