at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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