that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
