i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
