I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
