My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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