im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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