I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize