Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
