She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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