we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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