I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize