I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
