Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
