he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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