bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
