You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Someone shit on the floor
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
