I'm lost and stupid without you.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
