he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
