And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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