God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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