Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
