u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize