At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
