My first STD was from a foam party
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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