I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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