No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
