She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
