youre lurking in front of me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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