my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
