Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
