FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
