I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
