Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We got so high we made milksteak
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
