Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
