i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
