We won't sleep together?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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