So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
