walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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