3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
