the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize