Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
