i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
