I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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