Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
