We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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