sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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