Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
