I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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