There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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