i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
