Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
