i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
