I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
