Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
