So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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