you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have aggressive nipples.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
