If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize