how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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