Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
