theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize