watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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