so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
