what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
