I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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