my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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