Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
