i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
