I got chris browned last night
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
