It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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