My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
