Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
