What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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