guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
