Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
