Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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