i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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