she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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