Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
