whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
