Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
